Gastrodamus      12/02/2008  

And Even More Food Trends, Including Those of Gastrodamus

Everybody wants to be Michael Whiteman, apparently! Hotels Magazine goes James Oliver Cury one step better and presents a grab-bag of trends by various experts. The Hotels piece contains a number of trends that are even more inane or unlikely than the ones we’ve seen in past years. Some are just old hat: “Chefs are starting to feel that having things on the menu for 10 months out of the year is wrong,” says a chef in Omaha. Bosh! You might as well claim that liveried servants no longer have a place at table! And how about this gem, courtesy of Bob Puccini, who apparently constitutes something called The Puccini Group: “activities enhance dining experiences.” (Puccini, a sage who rivals Gastrodamus in his far-seeing gaze, also acutely observes, “people are traveling farther distances and bringing back authentic spices and cooking methods. Expect to see more intriguing ingredients in restaurants.” Indeed!)

Speaking of Gastrodamus, what are his food trends for 2009? We’re glad you asked….

  • In the coming year, chefs with diminishing revenue streams will seek to diversify their incomes by seducing wealthy widows.
  • Old English Melba Rounds, topped with squares of American cheese, will be the number-one snack for friendless children watching Sanford and Son marathons on TV Land.
  • Soup is the new stew.
  • Look out for oleo!
  • 2009 will be the year of the spork, as restaurants seek to reduce costs by eliminating a piece of unnecessary silverware. In the highly competitive casual dining sector, buckets and troughs will become increasingly popular.
  • Brightly lit dessert bars will open serving multiple flavors of ice cream - some as many as 31.
  • Everyone will continue to hate savory desserts.
  • The Farm-to-Table will be replaced by the Sysco-to-Table model, once everyone figures out that diners have no way of knowing where their string beans are coming from.

Comments

5 Responses to “And Even More Food Trends, Including Those of Gastrodamus”

  1. Gastrodomus Speaks: Food Trends for 2009 « There’s a Queer in My Soup on December 2nd, 2008 4:07 pm

    [...] their three legged dog has a prognotication or two about the upcoming year.  The folks over that The Food Bag are no exception.  The difference, however, is they have Gastrodumus - the seer of all things [...]

  2. Taste T.O. - Food & Drink In Toronto » Food For Thought - Wednesday, December 3rd on December 3rd, 2008 8:18 pm

    [...] More food trends for 2009, this time from Gastrodamus. Soup is the new stew! [...]

  3. michael whiteman on December 4th, 2008 3:04 pm

    Dear Mr. Damus: I find your predictions for the year ahead to be utterly accurate plus or minus 50%. Lots of overinvested restaurateurs undoubtedly will get sporked but your formulation of Melba rounds with American cheese is all wrong: One properly and traditionally uses Cheez-Whiz since it prevents Ms Melba from shattering in one’s lap after the first bite.

  4. Wishful-Thinking Food Predictions for 2009 | Fine Furious Life on December 4th, 2008 4:36 pm

    [...] of predictions by Epicurious (”Peruvian is the new Thai” [Ed.’s note: ¿Qué?]), The Feedbag (”Everyone will continue to hate savory desserts”), and The New York Times [...]

  5. Time for ridiculous food predictions for 2009 — g a r y w o n g . o r g on December 5th, 2008 1:42 pm

    [...] yesterday’s list of top trends for 2009 that Epicurious put out, it’s nice to get a list that doesn’t take itself too seriously. 2009 will be the year of the spork, as restaurants seek to reduce costs by eliminating a piece of [...]

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